F**ked up world?

There has been a lot of F'd up stuff happening this week. There are out of control fires here in Southern California, all sorts of people around me are having major problems. I mean a couple of days ago, a friend of a friend's baby died for no reason. I go to get a pedicure today and the lady who does my nails had an accident and had to go to the emergency room. People are driving like shit, my parents were talking of separation... I don't know... I'm just kind of wondering what's going on. Why are people having such a hard time right now? I know there's full moon and things do tend to go wonky around this time of the month... but this has started weeks before. I really have to wonder what the universe has planned... I hope that all you out there are safe and sound tonight, and I will try to keep peace in my mind as I walk through the world in the coming days.

Promised Picture

Here's the pic I promised. I finished the t-shirt and my friend most graciously agreed to model it for me! So, without further delay, here it is:



I hope you all like this! Comment if you feel so inclined! :)

Happy day!

It's a happy day today! I have my first subscriber! YAY! Here I thought that nobody was reading my blog. Hehe! I don't have too much to write about today, unfortunately. However, I did do some very interesting things with my art. I won't go too much into detail, but I can now print my art onto fabric using my printer! It's a very awesome thing to see my art on a totally different medium! The process is very easy, it involves treating the fabric with a product called bubble jet set (for more info click here. ) Then I bond the fabric by ironing it to freezer paper. You do this so it becomes stiff like paper to go through the printer. Then I print, rinse, and dry the fabric! Eazy Peazy! I do have to say that the results are absolutely fantastic! So, by using this process, I no longer have to use something like iron-on transfers on the handbags I make! (Here's an info page that goes a little more into the particulars of the printing process, if you're so inclined.)This means my handbags will last much longer too. This is soooo exciting to me! It finally feels like things are coming together for me. I have enough designs for 5 or 6 handbags, my logo is finished and on fabric and soon I will be opening an Etsy store! And finally if you haven't been to Etsy I highly recommend it! You can find all sorts of hand made things to tickle your fancy. Oh and here's a pic of the finished results. Sorry the picture is sooo crappy, I took it on my cell phone.

(BTW, the yellowish color of the background is actually white, because of the lighting and cell phone. I couldn't take out all the discoloration with photoshop) I swear when I finish making the t-shirt, I'll post a pic of taken with a real camera. Feel free to comment if you wish...

Blogging into the empty space of the internet

Ok, I realize that I don't post too much at the moment and, I'm certainly not as prolific as other bloggers. So far, no one has looked at my blog. So here I am blogging into empty space of the internet... Is anyone out there? Is anyone looking here at all? I just looked at my stats... it's not encouraging. Well, anyway I did come on here tonight to actually blog, and not just complain. So here's the deal. I spoke with a friend this evening that I haven't talked to in a while. We were in group therapy together back in the day. The group fell apart and most of us had lost contact with each other. So we had a very nice conversation and in this conversation she mentioned a Trans specific club that we've both been to out in "the valley". Now, I've never been too fond of this club, but it served it's purpose for the times. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of nice people there. When I first started to go there, it was a nice experience. I met a lot of very nice people and a lot of creepy people. This is back when I wasn't full time yet, and I had a yearning to be around other TG and CD people. It made me feel welcome an like a normal person, it was sooo nice to be around others like myself. Then, I transitioned. I became full time living in my chosen gender as a woman. As time went on, I became even less enamored by this place. It seems that I no longer needed to go there. I think I've mentioned that I don't have any problems passing. The only strange looks I get are from people looking at my tattoos. (They're visible on my arms and I have quite a few of them.) So I found that I'm much more comfortable around regular people, in regular places like Starbucks for example. I've been to this club recently when my friend dragged me there, and I was bored out of my skull. I just don't seem to have a whole lot in common with the people there. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. Way back when, in group, the moderator mentioned that she hadn't been to a trans club in a number of years and that when she did go again, she was uncomfortable being around other trans people. At the time I wondered why. Now I know why. As you move through the "normal" world, and discover people and places, the need to be around other trans people, kind of falls away. I'm not sure why this is. My conversation with my friend confirmed those thoughts. I think that places like the club in the valley serve a very specific need, especially for newbies, cross dressers, and those trans people who aren't out or full time. It's a great place, I think, if you fall somewhere in those categories. Of course, this is just my opinion and my own experience.

Loneliness

A friend mentioned how lonely he felt. Said friend is an FTM and it got me to thinking about myself and my own sense of loneliness. I think that because I am transsexual, I feel separated from cisgendered individuals and the world in general. Don't get me wrong, I think everybody has issues like this at one time or another, but when you're trans that sense doesn't seem to go away. (at least in my case) I'm always separated from the world. I can't help feeling this way. I have friends, very good friends who know about who and what I am and that care about me, but I don't fit in. I don't even fit in with other trans people. My friend drags me to this club on Saturday nights that caters to trans people. I've made some acquaintances, but never made any friends there. I'm not sure why this is. I just don't fit there. I don't seem to fit anywhere. Always separated... I can't have normal romantic relationships, at least not at this time, for fear of having to come out to someone I love only to be turned away or hurt. The men that I have met that do know (aka tranny-chasers) all seem to be rather creepy and only want one thing, like I'm some sort of cheap whore. *Sigh* I wonder if having my bottom surgery will help with this at all?

Introductions

Hey all! Let me introduce myself. My name is Jennifer and I am a Male to Female Transsexual. (If you don't know what an MTF is or would like to know more about it click here.) I am an unemployed multimedia artist, so if you know anyone who needs an artist let me know! I started this blog to share my experiences moving through the world of the cisgendered, my art and business. Being that I'm unemployed, I've been focusing on that vital part of me that is my creativity. I have started my own designer label called "ROMANTICIDE" and combined my two greatest passions, handbags and art! I haven't actually gotten to the production stage yet but as soon as I do, I'll let y'all know! I'll be blogging about my experiences with that too! Watch out world! Here comes Jennifer!